When I was a small child I had a favourite cuddly toy called Fantasia. He was a small dalmatian puppy from the Disney movie and he would often go everywhere with me and I would cuddle him every night as I slept. My daughter has recently taken a great interest in the 101 Dalmatians movie so I decided to root around in the attic and find Fantasia for her. Unfortunately I wasn't the first to find him.
Mice had gotten into the bag and had eaten large pieces from his paws and face. Needless to say I was devastated - he had such special significance to me and I felt responsible for having stored him in the attic rather than elsewhere in the house.
What really surprised me though was how quickly I was able to come around to accepting the situation. In the past, something like this would have sent me into a spiral for days if not weeks or even months. It would have started with huge amounts of self blame - why didn't I keep him out of the attic? Why didn't I put him in something mouse proof? I would have been vicious to myself, telling myself how much I hate myself, how useless I am, I can never do anything right, I am an idiot, etc. I would have also tried to deny that it had happened or at least desperately try and will it not to have happened. I wish I had done this or that this hadn't happened etc.
This time however was surprisingly different. I was first hit by a huge wave of sorrow and regret but I didn't cling onto any of it like I used to. Within about half an hour I had accepted what had happened and decided that I would wash Fantasia and the other cuddly toys from the bag and do my best to repair them as best I could so my daughter could enjoy them. I still felt sad about what had happened but I didn't keep blaming myself and beating myself up like I used to.
This really demonstrates how much more psychologically flexible I am than ever before. I think that prolonged use of ACT has actually changed the way my mind works. I am fascinated to see whether this sense of psychological flexibility can be maintained and increased with further practice.
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