The problem solving mind is not always the best guide

I got some new craft materials for my toddler the other day. When she was finished this is what my floor looked like.

Instantly my mind came up with a solution - “just vacuum it all up”. This is a great example of the problem solving mind in action - giving suggestions for the easiest solution to the problem in front of me. Indeed I could have vacuumed up all the mess but that would have been going against my value of not being wasteful. I value not throwing useful things away and I value our finances which can't afford me vacuuming up perfectly useable craft materials.

This shows how important knowing our values is. If we always follow the instructions from our problem solving mind then we could end up living a life that is against our values - always doing the easiest thing rather than what is right for us.

With my values as guidance, I chose to painstakingly pick up every one of those beads and sequins. It certainly took a lot longer​ than the vacuum would have but I felt satisfied that I had followed my values and now my toddler has craft stuff at the ready for the next time she desires to spread sequins all over the floor. Though next time I won't be giving her the entire packet, maybe just a handful.

Improvements in psychological flexibility

When I was a small child I had a favourite cuddly toy called Fantasia. He was a small dalmatian puppy from the Disney movie and he would often go everywhere with me and I would cuddle him every night as I slept. My daughter has recently taken a great interest in the 101 Dalmatians movie so I decided to root around in the attic and find Fantasia for her. Unfortunately I wasn't the first to find him.

Mice had gotten into the bag and had eaten large pieces from his paws and face. Needless to say I was devastated - he had such special significance to me and I felt responsible for having stored him in the attic rather than elsewhere in the house.

What really surprised me though was how quickly I was able to come around to accepting the situation. In the past, something like this would have sent me into a spiral for days if not weeks or even months. It would have started with huge amounts of self blame - why didn't I keep him out of the attic? Why didn't I put him in something mouse proof? I would have been vicious to myself, telling myself how much I hate myself, how useless I am, I can never do anything right, I am an idiot, etc. I would have also tried to deny that it had happened or at least desperately try and will it not to have happened. I wish I had done this or that this hadn't happened etc.

This time however was surprisingly different. I was first hit by a huge wave of sorrow and regret but I didn't cling onto any of it like I used to. Within about half an hour I had accepted what had happened and decided that I would wash Fantasia and the other cuddly toys from the bag and do my best to repair them as best I could so my daughter could enjoy them. I still felt sad about what had happened but I didn't keep blaming myself and beating myself up like I used to.

This really demonstrates how much more psychologically flexible I am than ever before. I think that prolonged use of ACT has actually changed the way my mind works. I am fascinated to see whether this sense of psychological flexibility can be maintained and increased with further practice.