Thursday 19 January 2017

Doing Something Despite Your Thoughts and Feelings

Tomorrow I am going to a workshop in London to learn about Relational Frame Theory, the theory which underpins ACT. It will hopefully help expand my knowledge and understanding of ACT and improve my ability to teach it to others. Going to this workshop is in line with my values of personal development and my value of helping others, but as the day gets closer and closer, more and more uncomfortable thoughts and feelings are surfacing.

I feel guilt about forcing my husband to take a day off work to look after our toddler for me, I feel guilt and grief over the idea of being separated from my toddler for a whole day, I feel anxiety about the journey and the idea of being in such a busy city, I fear that I will be too stupid to understand the content of the workshop, I feel anxious about being around strangers, my mind assures me that I will say or do something awfully foolish or embarrassing, I feel disgruntled by the idea of a 5am start and fear I will feel too tired to concentrate, I fear triggering another gall bladder attack while being far away from the comfort of home. In short, my mind and body are trying everything they can to convince me not to go - to stay in my comfort zone at home.


In the past, these sorts of thoughts and feelings have convinced me not to go to certain events; I've missed birthdays and various social events in an effort to avoid these difficult feelings. I always feel empty and regretful afterwards. The thing is, most things we do, especially things which are really important to us, can bring with them this kind of discomfort. This is the moment in the Life Space demonstration where your life bumps up against these uncomfortable experiences and in order to expand your life space and make your life richer and more fulfilling you must first allow yourself to have these thoughts and feelings rather than shrinking away and avoiding them. If I chose not to go to the workshop tomorrow then my life space would shrink or in terms of the bus metaphor, I would be driving my bus in the direction my passengers dictated. 

With my values to guide me, it matters a little less what I am feeling; I know that this workshop is important to me in several ways and I am willing to allow myself to feel and think these things in order to reach my goal. It is uncomfortable, but I choose to continue driving my bus in the direction of my values despite some rather loud and obnoxious passengers. 

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